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An imaginary first meeting between Donald Trump and Aung San Suu Kyi

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Donald Trump, the unlikely likely Republican nominee for president of the United States, has named his foreign policy advisers. He is inching closer to the nomination, and if he wins the general election in November, he will, as hard as it is to think about, start going around the globe and rubbing shoulders with world leaders. We wonder: what would a meeting between President Donald Trump and Foreign Minister Aung San Suu Kyi be like? Here's how we envision the historic chat going down.
THE SETTING: Aung San Suu Kyi’s villa in Yangon
THE TIME: Mid-2017, soon after Trump has relocated the White House to Florida
THE PURPOSE OF THE MEETING: It doesn’t really matter
Aung San Suu Kyi: Mr. Trump, welcome to Myanmar.
Donald Trump: So good to be here. I couldn’t be more pleased. I flew in on the Trump Jet. My pilot had a little trouble landing at Yangon International Airport. The runway is small. You should get some bigger runways.
Suu Kyi: I’m so sorry to hear that. What are your impressions of our country so far?
Trump: First of all, it’s a tremendous, tremendous little place you've got here. Myanmar, Burma, whatever you people are calling it nowadays. One thing that I noticed, and that's because I’m extremely observant, as you may have heard, is that the men here wear skirts.
Suu Kyi: Mr. Trump, we do not call it a skirt. The men are wearing what is called a “longyi.”
Trump: Long what? Well whatever it’s called, it’s absolutely fabulous. Incredible garment. Personally, I wouldn’t wear one. It’s not the sort of thing that’s good for making deals in. And I make a lot of deals. You wouldn’t believe how many deals I made just while we were having this conversation.
Suu Kyi: Good to know. I’m so glad you could make this important visit, and that Myanmar can continue its relationship with the United States. As a first order of business, I was hoping we could talk about removing the last level of US sanctions.
Trump: Look, the thing about sanctions is, I’ve got my best people looking at this thing. The best in the sanctions business. Have you heard of West Tumulty-Task? He's Mr. Sanctions. He used to work in my steaks department. Now he's one of my closest foreign policy advisers. We are going to do a beautiful job and everyone is going to be 100 percent happy with the outcome. But I don’t want to talk about sanctions. I want to talk about hotels.
Suu Kyi: Hotels? Tourism is an important part of our economy. What sort of development did you have in mind?
Trump: Picture this. This is big picture stuff. Enormous idea in the making stuff. I want to put a Trump Resort right next to that big gold building (aid interjects: “Mr Trump, it’s called the Shwedagon”). Right, the big gold building. I’m thinking multibillllion dollar deal. So many jobs even those beggars in robes I see on the street everywhere here are going to have work.


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